9.28.2008

anxious

Feeling insecure in my profession—again. I was reading this bookbinder’s blog, and he is a true craftsman—a true professional. He has so much experience, and he writes well about it. I feel the full weight of my inadequacy and inexperience, and part of that weight is a feeling that it will never dissipate, that I lack the ambition to work in this field with the kind of dedication, ambition, and integrity that seems necessary and that I admire in so many of these craftsmen. I want what they have . . . and I don’t. And so I’m left without knowing where to direct my passions.

2 comments:

Mary Thomas said...

you sound like John--as usual. Dude, you're an arteest! You're amazing. Thou shalt not feel bad about anything except that you so darn good it hurts the eyes to look upon one of your majestic books.

Wendy said...

As you know, I can relate to your sentiments. But the more I work in the field the better I feel about it. The people that I work with and admire all started off not knowing anything and worked over many years to get where they are now. They did it by working and learning a day at a time. And they didn't give up a life to do it. They have families and friends and a life outside of bookbinding. I wouldn't like them so much if they were only interested in binding and conservation. And so we are on our way to being competent practioners of the trade, too, and must just take each day at a time. You are amazing and you will keep getting better. I have no doubt of it.